


Time Is Relative

by TheTimelessChild0



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Desperation, Embarrassment, Interfering TARDIS, Kind Rose, Protective TARDIS, Urination, diuretics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:34:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24630874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTimelessChild0/pseuds/TheTimelessChild0
Summary: The TARDIS is like a mother hen. She knows who topeck atand when.
Kudos: 4
Collections: Interesting Living Arrangemens





	Time Is Relative

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [New Experiences](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24378781) by [Forget_About_Me](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forget_About_Me/pseuds/Forget_About_Me). 



The Doctor didn’t like to see himself as an overly proud man. He hadn’t done anything worth being proud of..not for a long time. Unfortunately, the main reason for this also caused one inkling of pride. The memories of what he did to his people were still fresh, as were the memories of what his people did to  _ him.  _ The only guide he had for how to move on was in the way he was raised. To work through reason, not passion. Well, he might be slightly failing on that front. But he still strived to ignore all  _ other  _ feelings. All other sensations. Like, for instance, those from his bladder. 

It wasn’t as if Rose knew him that well anyway. And he hadn’t blown up  _ himself  _ yet, so why bother with the medical lecture? 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

He noticed Rose was picking at her nails again. “What good’s that gonna do, leave your nails alone,” he slapped her hand away. “They’re brand new...delicate. Innocent flakes of keratin,” 

The Doctor pointed at a nail, stroking it. A small smile slipped through. He caught himself, fiddling with one of his stupendously large ears, trying to keep them from turning red. 

“Sorry, just...bored,” Rose muttered. She kicked at the floor of the elevator lightly.

Then, the right foot landed on top of the left, twirling around. The Doctor liked the way her feet waved about on top of the console, no matter how many times he told her off for putting them there. This time, however, his gaze went to her _face_ as well. She was avoiding his gaze. He looked away, keeping his attention through a sideways  _ glance _ . Her hands went from her back to her waist, pinching. 

“Er...Rose...do you need the loo?” the Doctor asked sincerely. 

She looked sheepishly at him and nodded. 

“How come _you_ don’t? You eat and drink,” Rose found herself wondering. 

  
The Doctor leaned on the wall, his arm behind his head. This action was more about covering his increasingly red ears. 

“I do..do that, Rose. Just, not as often,” he replied, not looking at her. 

“Then how come I’ve never seen you 'pop off' to the lav? We’ve been together for long enough even with the time difference,” she pointed out, shaking her head. It sounded like they were talking about time zones, not time lord biology.

“It’s only once every three days. I’m usually careful to go, the morning of the  _ relevant  _ day, as a precaution,” the Doctor explained, making an effort to look at her. 

_ Usually was not  _ **_always_ ** _... _ unfortunately. 

He closed his eyes, rubbing them in his awkwardness. 

“Shouldn’t you tell your mother where we are? I do  _ not  _ want her slapping me again,” 

“Gotta preserve those  _ delicate  _ cheeks,” Rose teased. “But thanks, I’d forget otherwise. You’re good at that,” she complimented. 

“Big brains up in here,” the Doctor tapped his head. He leaned a little deeper, putting his legs closer together, slapping his shiny shoes as a show of superiority. And protection against _wet_ leather.  _ That too. _ He’d assumed, when he agreed to go shopping with Rose that he could pretend to see something fascinating, and use his key to get the TARDIS, if it went too long for his  _ comfort _ . So, he’d put aside the mild knocking from his bladder. 

Now, it had increased to the rumbling of a cloister bell. His thumbs went into his pockets, tugging as much as he could surreptitiously. 

“Brains?..” Rose uttered in confusion, before dismissing it. The Doctor’s ship was bigger on the inside, it was only natural that he’d be too. 

Only, not quite. 

The Doctor steered the TARDIS back to the Powell Estate, dancing considerably less than usual. Rose interpreted this as simple exhaustion. Apparently, men were the same across the universe.. _ s _ . 

He made a show of dropping a screw beneath the console, acting as if it fell from it, and not from his pocket. This was so he could run to the toilet before he revealed himself to her. So much for ‘taking precautions’...

* * *

It wasn’t the lack of foresight that made the ship wish she had the ability to tut at the 900-year-old. Rather, the fact that pride was the only thing standing between her pilot and him getting relief several minutes sooner. Minutes could turn to hours, she knew that for certain. Especially with the 22-hour limit he so stubbornly stuck to.

If he didn’t want to reveal it to Rose, she  _ would.  _

* * * * * * * * *

The Doctor loved very few things more than human beings. One of those few things was breakfast. Especially a breakfast banana smoothie. He noted the fact that this one seemed lighter in its consistency. Almost fluid.  _ At least it’s not horrible like banana  _ **_juice_ ** , he conceded. 

Rose entered the kitchen just as he was finishing the beverage. 

“Let me guess: banana,” she deadpanned. He nodded happily, his ears almost wiggling with excitement. 

“Why don’t you try a different fruit for  _ once _ , like I dunno orange, y’know, what us  _ stupid apes  _ drink for breakfast,” Rose pointed at the fridge. 

The Doctor was curious enough, so he approached said fridge, opening the door. It seemed slightly jammed, either by ice or air, but he paid it no attention. He chugged down the glass of OJ in one big swig. 

“Are you drinking juice or a pint? Maybe watch the fluids, yeah,” Rose joked. 

“Why? Hydration is important,” the Doctor pointed out. 

“Well, what goes in must come out, just saying,” 

It took the Time Lord a second to decipher what she meant by ‘out’ but once he did, his ears turned spectacularly red. 

“Mhm...three days Rose, three days,” he cleared his throat gruffly. 

He didn’t look or talk to Rose for the rest of the meal. But she could hear his legs rubbing against the table. 

The Doctor wondered whether he’d miscounted the days. This was the first time he’d needed the loo in her presence. He tended to time it, so it would be three days from he woke up or went to bed. 

He began quietly bobbing his heels. It was then that he knew, it was either excusing himself or grabbing himself. Both embarrassing. One slightly less. He rubbed his legs and pushed his chair out, using the edge of the seat to his advantage. 

Rose only had time to frown in surprise before he spoke. “I think you were right about the OJ,” he declared, running from the room. 

The TARDIS chirped almost expectantly at the event. 

  
“I know, always the excuses,” Rose muttered, looking instinctively at the ceiling. 

The ship whistled in agreement. Round 1: complete. 

* * *

The Doctor had looked for a planet with highly localised,  _ coloured  _ rain, for them to look at while staying dry. Of course, he got the time wrong. 

“It’s alright, Doctor, there’s plenty of rocks to look at,” Rose resolved to stay positive. And with that, they began walking. The Doctor had plenty of geology facts about every kind of rock in the area, even the small pits of sand. 

They were walking on a path that got quite sandy, almost like a gravel path, when the Doctor put his hand on his thigh, squeezing it nervously. 

“You alright?” Rose asked, noticing the apparent  _ ache _ . “Yeah..just a bit sore from the walking. Not the best shoes,” he lied. 

He stared at some rocks to hide his panicked eyes. Something was wrong. Very wrong.  _ Fantastically wrong indeed. _ He wasn’t sure whether he could make it all the way to the TARDIS without having to make a ‘pit stop’ behind a rock, nor did he have an excuse for turning around, let alone running around behind a rock…

* * * * * * * * *   


The  _ sore-ness _ story lasted about five minutes.

The Doctor bent over, groaning. He put his hands behind his knees, squeezing his thighs together without getting anywhere near the  _ incriminating  _ area. 

“Doctor, maybe we should turn back. Do you want to sit down?” Rose suggested. 

“NO! No. I’m fine..just..give me a sec,” the Doctor insisted. He rubbed the side of his legs. 

Rose narrowed her eyes. It didn’t seem wise to  _ massage  _ a sore muscle in that fashion. 

  
“You sure?” she double-checked, sceptically. 

He nodded an affirmative, taking a few more steps. That’s all he managed before both hands went  _ between  _ his legs. The Doctor lifted one leg, twisting it partially towards the back of his other leg, resting it there. The other hand continued rubbing the side of his left thigh. 

“Doctor. What’s wrong?” Rose asked, concerned. 

“Nothing. Just a mild spasm,” he lied. As if summoned, his bladder  _ spasmed _ , forcing him to grab himself. He hoped she didn’t see, but she did. 

“Stop taking the piss, what’s really going on?”

Both hands went between his legs, holding on just an inch below his crotch, as a final resort to protect not his  _ pride _ , rather his  **dignity** . 

“Where does it hurt?” she pressed. So did the Doctor. 

He really wanted to keep on the lies, but he decided to tell her. She wasn’t embarrassed about  _ her  _ bladder, why should he be embarrassed by  _ his _ ? Somehow, he trusted her to understand. 

  
“M..my..my b-b-bladder,” he panted. 

“Oh! Well, that’s what happens when you hold it in too long,” Rose remarked. “There’s a rock over there, do what you need to do, I don’t mind,” she assured him, turning around. 

The first thing he did was not walk to the designated ‘toilet’, but instead properly grab himself with both hands, doing a light hop, before sprinting a whole three steps to the rock. He unzipped and let go. It was loud and sprayed, but he didn’t care. His mind was in a relieved haze. 

Rose’s eyebrows shot in the air, trying not to count seconds. It turned into a minute, so she couldn’t help but feel half impressed half exasperated, at the continence of her friend. 

When the Doctor finally finished, his head looked almost sunburnt with a rampant blush. 

If he thought his ears stuck out before, that was nothing compared to right then. They were like floppy alarm beacons. 

“ ‘m done,” he muttered silently. Rose turned around, smiling kindly at her humiliated friend. 

“Feel better?” she asked. “I feel fantastic, naturally,” the Doctor replied, cleaning his hands with hand sanitizer. 

“Well, you know what else is natural? What you just did. When you gotta go, you gotta go. Why didn’t you tell me?” Rose questioned, stroking his back. 

“Sorry.  _ New  _ territory, I guess. In 900 years, my bladder has had a fixed limit of 22 hours. Of course, I try not to get too close to it, but still, it meant  _ this  _ never came up around the humans. It’s what I’ve been used to. Going beforehand, or waiting however many hours. Usually, that works,” The Doctor remarked. 

“Wait..you said it happens every 3 days, it hasn’t even been three hours,” she realised. 

“I know,” he replied, worriedly. 

Rose knew what he was worried about. “You’ll make it back, if we hurry,” 

Thankfully, it came to fruition. 

* * *

Although the colour was perfectly normal, the Doctor took a few careful sips of water. 

“What the bleeding hell is going on?..” he ruminated as he washed his hands and cooled down his practically  _ feverish _ ears.

The TARDIS tapped insistently at his subconscious.  _ Serves you right. _

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean? Did you...that’s why the smoothie was so  _ smooth _ ...diuretic? Come on, fess up dear,” he barked at her. 

_ Well, you weren’t gonna tell her otherwise;  _ the ship pointed out. 

“Tell her what...oh,” the Doctor suddenly recalled. 

“POINT. GODDAMN. TAKEN,” 

**⧫ ⧫ ⧫  
**

“It was the TARDIS. She slipped me a diuretic,” he explained to Rose. 

“Why would she do that?” 

“To prove a point,” the Doctor stated. 

“What point?” Rose asked. 

“Doesn’t matter,” he ignored the question, stroking the console indulgently, and pressing buttons firmly. 

“It obviously matters or she wouldn’t have done it. Answer my question,” she insisted, staring at him seriously, holding his hand. 

_ For Rassilon’s sake... _

The Doctor sat down on one of the chairs around the console, sulking. 

“She wanted me to tell you...when I needed to go. So she made sure I’d have no choice,” he explained bitterly. 

“What’s so important about you telling me? You didn’t before,” Rose noted. 

  
“You’re my first person to travel with me since the war,” the Doctor stated. “She wanted it to change,” 

“But you’ve never  _ hidden it _ from me before. It’s never come up, ´cause of the precautions, right?” 

The Doctor fiddled with his sonic, humming innocently. 

“ _ Have you  _ hidden it from me?” she folded her arms in suspicion. “Doctor?..” Rose raised an eyebrow. 

“Once. Just the once,” the Doctor reluctantly admitted. 

“When?” 

“In the elevator,” 

“That’s why you were waving your feet around, like I did,” Rose understood. He nodded. 

"Why didn't you go when I asked you halfway through our shopping?" 

"I didn't need it that badly then. I figured I'd be fine, but then the elevator broke down" The Doctor defended.

“Still; I'm kind of glad that wasn’t just you bragging about having more brains than me,” Rose noted.  


“No, I try to be humble after all that I did, fighting,” the Doctor rolled his eyes. “ But it’s kind of difficult not being too proud to talk about something, that almost never relates to your species,” he pointed at Rose. 

“The operative word being  _ almost _ . Like I figured out the other day; when you travel for that long, the 3 days is gonna intersect with adventures. You can’t run from your bladder, Mr Spock. Your bladder’s the one that can run from  _ you _ ,” Rose told him. 

“It’s just...so unfamiliar. When I started travelling with humans, I was fresh out of the Academy, on Gallifrey..that’s my planet’s name. Gallifrey. My people were pretty posh, you know  _ stiff upper lip  _ about bodily functions, like hunger, thirst, or toilet needs. You shouldn’t mention either of them. That’s what I’ve lived by. I totally get it’s bollocks, but you can’t break yer own parenting,” the Doctor retold. 

“There’s a difference between forgetting it and dismissing it, though. You can remember it as your background, without following every word to the letter,” Rose advised, grabbing his arm and stroking it. The Doctor stood up, returning the gesture. It ended in a hug. 

“Couldn’t you at least try? You were nice when I had to go, it goes both ways. And it’s already  _ come up _ twice now, no way around it,” 

“Well, it’s that or the diuretic. You win, no contest,” the Doctor surrendered. 

_ It was worth a shot. _

**THE END.**


End file.
